A New Year's Carol

It's the MOST wonderful time of the year!
The ads are are full of labeling machines,
The buckets, bins, and shelves are all here!
It's the most wonderful time of the year!

(Carol of the Type A, OCD People. Not that I know any.)

The "F" bomb

*Never fear, this is a family friendly blog and post!*

The other day, I overheard an extraordinary conversation between Lauryn (5 yo) and Hailey (7 yo). One of them was informing the other one that:

"You said the 'f' word."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did. Remember, we can't say that."

Needless to say I was starting to freak out a little. Where in the world had they heard THAT? Who had said that in front of my little girls? And how did they know to abbreviate it to just an "f"??? I was wracking my brain. They don't watch TV, only movies, and I didn't think any of our movies had that in it. Besides, neither had come to ask us if that was a bad word (we have an open policy that they can come ask us what anything means, without any punishment - if it is a word Kelly and I don't use they are supposed to ask before they use it).

The conversation went on for a time while I was trying to figure out how to play this. Should stay cool or flip out? Demand to know where they heard it, or just let them know we don't ever use that word. Then, as I listened to their conversation more, I realized the truth.

If you haven't read this post, here's an excerpt from something that happened a couple of months ago.

The last word I think will become a Smith family no-no word. Years ago, we decided not to let the older two girls use the word stupid at all. We figured that if they didn't ever use the word, they couldn't call each other things like "stupid head" that we had heard other kids call each other. And I have never heard my kids call other people stupid, so I guess in that it worked, though we've certainly slackened up on it in recent years. It did cause grandparents some problems when they would visit and use the word. ("That is a stupid thing for the president to have done." "Granddad, you said a no-no word.")

We may have to revise the no-no word list and add a new one to it. It's such a benign little word too. I think we need to add the word "fine" to the Smith banned list. You see this is how recent conversations have gone in our house.

Me: Ashlynn, come here. (She just stares at me, so I stand up to go over to her.)

Ashlynn (seeing me coming her way, starts running to me, yelling): FINE!

OR

Me: Ashlynn, go upstairs.

(She stands there, staring at me rebelliously. Then as I start heading her way...)
Ashlynn: FINE!

No, not "fine." I'll never hear that word again without hearing my two year old's voice yelling it at me.

Yes, evidently, the "f" word one of the girls had said was "fine" in front of Ashlynn. Once I figured it out, I had a good laugh. That's going to make me laugh every time someone asks me how I am and I answer "fine."

Laugh of the Day

I was screening for a medical research study this morning. During the EKG, the tech had to place several leads on my abdomen and chest wall. During this, she comments, "Hmmm, you don't have any stretch marks. You must not have any kids."

Her face when I told her how many kids I had was quite funny. (And I do have stretch marks, she just couldn't see them.)

A look back

In one of the myriad of ways we are trying to help Hailey pass the time, we have pulled out old home videos that we haven't watched for years. They cover roughly the years from 1998 - 2003 or so. Plus they've watched the video of our wedding and their uncle Tony's wedding. My kids have gotten a kick out of this. Here's a smattering of what I've heard the last two days from the kids:

Your hair looked funny, Mama.

Daddy's glasses were hideous. (OK, I started that one.)

Granny's hair looks funny.

What is that weird outfit Daddy's wearing? (BTW, it was wranglers, cowboy boots, and a western shirt.)

Granddad looks so young!

Aunt Sarah's hair looks funny.

Ashlynn looks just like Kora did! (We've been saying that for two years.)

Nana's hair looks funny.

Your voice sounds different, Mama.

Ooo, Granddad had a moustache!

Hey, I remember that toy!

Look, she's wearing the same dress Lauryn is right now!

Your dresses look weird.

Mama, you! You! You! (This was Ashlynn while watching our wedding video.)

But we are all in agreement that we had the cutest girls ever. However, the girls got a little grumpy when we asked them, "So what happened?"

This is so true!

OK, my husband sent me the funniest Dilbert ever this morning, but I can't figure out a way to post the whole thing in this post - part of it gets cut off. But if you work on computers or know someone who does, click here and get your laugh for the day.

Olympic Withdrawal

So the Olympics are over now, and I feel the same bereftness (is that a word?) that follows the end of football season. I admit to being an Olympics junkie - both summer and winter. My favorite winter sport, believe it or not, is curling. I started watching it 8 years ago, really got hooked four years ago, and sat riveted before every curling match they showed this year. Kelly is nearly as bad.

The funny thing is that the girls, at least the older two, got into it as well this year. It was funny to hear them discussing strategy, about whether they should freeze the rock or knock it out. But the funniest thing came out of Hailey, our seven year old.

In curling, the team that throws the last rock of an end (which is somewhat like an inning in baseball) has what's called the "hammer" or last rock. This is an advantage in the game. During one game, Hailey came up and asked:

"So which team has the ax?"

Poor girl, we've never let her live that down. Considering the game is played on a smooth sheet of ice, the thought of an ax involved makes it even funnier.

Too bad they only televise curling down here in Texas during the Olympics.

Lauryn, our five year old, had one that I thought was even funnier. As a friend of mine said, this falls into the "You know you live in Texas when..." category.

She came downstairs one afternoon last week after nap and glanced at the tv. I had a hockey game on at the time (as there was no curling going on at the time). She looked at the tv and then to me.

"Hmmm. Ice football."

The Sword used as a sledgehammer

The other day at lunch, Hailey (7 yo) was explaining to her sisters what she had been playing when called away to eat.

Hailey: I am the queen of everything.

One older sister: Aren't we queens of anything?

Hailey: No. I'm the queen of everything! You are all peasants.

Aubrey (11 yo): Remember, Hailey, "The FIRST shall be Last!"

Sometimes you can't escape THOSE conversations even when you only have 2 of your kids with you...

I had to take Ashlynn and Brynna to our family doctor today for check-ups. I left the others at home with our oldest, who is now old enough to watch them for a little while.

A gentleman walked in after we had been there for a few minutes, checked in, then sat on the other side of Ashlynn from me. He was smiling at her and talking to her. Then he looks at me, then at Brynna who was sitting on the other side of me from Ashlynn, and asked me, "So how'd you manage that? A red head and a blonde?"

Me: Well, I've got a couple of brunettes at home, too.

Him: You mean you have FOUR kids?

Me: No, I have 6. I also have another red head and another blonde at home too.

Him (with his eyes bugging out of his head): You have SIX kids? You need to teach your husband what a television is!

I didn't dare reply to that one.

Him: You really have 6 kids? You don't look old enough to have six. How old are you, anyway?

Me: Older than I look, evidently. [No joke, I actually get this a lot.] My oldest is 13 and this (pointing to Ashlynn) is the baby.

Him: Six, hmm. (Silence for a couple of minutes.) Are any of them adopted?

Me, laughing: No.

Him: Did your husband have some already when you married?

Me, figuring this guy isn't going to give it up: No. I had all of them. I'm 36 and had my first when I was 23.

Him: You're 36?!? No way you look 36! (Turns to the 3 other people in the waiting room) Do you think she looks 36? I just turned 60! (Not sure what this had to do with anything.)

Silence for a minute.

Him: So, you had all of them yourself? Thirty-six and already have 6 kids. Are you trying to set some sort of record?

Me: No. We just like kids.

Brynna pipes up here: Especially girls!

Me, laughing: Yeah, they're all girls.

Him: ALL GIRLS? I can't even imagine having 6 kids, let alone 6 girls.

He went on to tell me a funny story he had heard from a Christian comedian about dating. I also notice that the tattoo on his arm says something about God on it. Then he continued.

Him: I like kids, too. I drive a school bus and it's the best job I've had in my whole life. You know what the Bible calls children, right?

Me: Yes, I do.

Him: It calls them blessings. And you've been blessed a lot.

Me: Yes, I have.

Talent Show

While we were up at the farm, the kids put on a talent show. I'm not sure who's idea it was, but it was one of Kelly's cousins' brainstorms. They must be "fun moms" cause I would have never thought of it. They came up with several categories and the kids chose to be in a few each. It was quite entertaining. I'm glad I wasn't one of the judges!

We started with singing. Aubrey volunteered to sing but then didn't think of anything until she got up there. So she sang "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star."Then her cousin Madison got up there and sang a country song I didn't recognize (which means it came out after 1999). She sounded good - definitely got that country twang!Next came a funny face competition. Aubrey had just eaten a lollipop and dazzled the judges with her scary smurf imitation.However, the winner was little cousin Ian. Not sure what he's supposed to be.

Then came a drawing contest,

a musical instrument contest (Lauryn wanted to play something so this is a little harp like thing that hangs by the front door)

and a "fashion show."

Then came a crazy hair contest. Brynna won this one. I died laughing when I saw her because, as I told her, she looked just like my pictures from my sophomore year in high school! Minus the red hair of course.
Next came the eating contest. the fastest person to eat a roll and drink a glass of water wins.
I don't know what Lauryn was thinking but this was the category she wanted to be in the most. This is the girl who takes twice as long as any of us to eat a meal. We've been known to wipe off the table around her! Needless to say, her cousin Tucker beat her by a landslide.
Then we went outside to see who could hold their breathe under water the longest. Fortunately it wasn't that cold. I still wouldn't have done it, but several did, including several of my girls.

Then we had a contest to see who could throw the ball the farthest.

To my complete shock, Kora won this, much to the dismay of 8 year old Tucker, the oldest male cousin at the farm.

If we had had a cutest baby contest, Amy's baby Kodah would have won. Isn't he adorable?
They had such a good time, and the adults had aching sides when it was over. Too funny!

Fruity

Last night, the kids were talking about their favorite fruits. Aubrey, our 10-year-old-going-on-16, tells her dad:

"I think my favorite is cherries. Especially marinated ones."

She can never remember maraschino. But I think our family from here on out will call them "marinated cherries."

It's been a while - Conversations with a 4 year old

Last weekend, while we were at my in-laws' house, the white noise maker/alarm clock in the little girls room went off at 5 am both mornings for some unknown reason. It was playing a Spanish station very loudly. When we came home, I thought that the alarm would no longer be set, so I plugged in the clock and put the kids to bed as we got home very late.

5 am the next morning - in which I had hoped to sleep in - I felt a tap on my arm.

Me: Huh? What?

Lauryn: Mama, there's something in our room. And it's WRONG! You need to come here.

When I got upstairs and heard a radio station playing I realized that the stupid alarm clock was still set, though it was playing in English now. Fortunately, the baby slept right through it. And I think Lauryn actually said, "You need to come hear!"

****************************

Friday night we were watching Fellowship of the Ring, and the scene came up where they were sailing by the Argonath - two large statues on either side of a river. The next morning, Lauryn was talking to her sisters at breakfast about the statues.

Lauryn: Yeah, they were really big. And the were stoned.

****************************

Saturday, after watching Return of the King, Lauryn started talking to me about the last battle before the Black Gates.

Lauryn: There needed to be more good guys. The good guys were only in a circle. But there were a lot of bad guys, like 199 of them.

Excerpts from Maundy Thursday

I promise I do have some longer blog posts in the works, but for tonight I had to share something that happened at dinner tonight.

Kelly was reading the passages from Luke about the Lord's Supper and his prayer at the garden and then we were discussing it with the girls. Then Kelly got to this section:

Luke 22:36

And He said to them, "But now, whoever has a purse is to take it along, likewise also a bag, and whoever has no sword is to sell his robe and buy one.

The girls then got the weirdest look on their faces. I just thought it was because it was strange to think of the disciples needing swords. But what really worried them was the robes.

Or rather the lack of them. They were picturing a bunch of naked disciples running around, brandishing their swords. Kelly and I got a good laugh out of that one before he explained that it meant their outer cloak or coat. So much for a serious discussion about Holy week!

City Slickers

Last night at supper, Aubrey, my 10 year old - who should know better! - asked us, in all seriousness,

"What part of the cow do these pork chops come from?"

Fall-out from Friday Night

We had such fun taking the younger two girls out to eat last night. Two things were particularly funny.

1. We had been telling Lauryn (aged 4) on the way to Red Lobster that they had yummy rolls. I didn't tell her this, but a few months back I had done an internet search for a copy-cat recipe for the yummy cheddar bay biscuits from Red Lobster. When the waitress brought our drinks and rolls to us, she finally got to try out these rolls. She bit into it, chewed, and then looked at me with a look of complete surprise.

"Mommy, you make rolls like these at home!"

Guess my copy-cat recipe is pretty good!

2. Kelly and I both ordered the coconut shrimp, which comes with a pina colada sauce (anyone know how to get the enya to show up over the "n"?). Kelly, being a typical dad, has to let Ashlynn try some of the sauce. He does this with everything - ice cream, ketchup, even picante sauce, which Ashlynn loves! Well, the pina colada sauce was a hit! She kept opening her mouth for more in what we've always called their baby bird face. Kelly fed her several bites and then finally said no more. Ashlynn did not appreciate his fatherly wisdom, and fussed quite loudly at him for more sauce! We are still laughing at her. :-)

The older girls had a great time. Kora tried to stay up all night, but did finally fall asleep for about 20-30 minutes. They all crashed this afternoon, and will be going to bed early tonight!

She's been on a roll lately - More Conversations with a Four Year Old

Today, Aubrey was feeling a little puny, so she was lying on the sofa, watching a movie. Lauryn sits down to watch too. Then the lead female character makes a funny remark. Lauryn starts laughing and says:

"She always says that every time I watch this!"

A Tale of Two Sisters

My two oldest girls are each other's best friends. They like many of the same things (horses, playing piano) and love to play together. They each feel bereft without the other.

This doesn't mean they are carbon copies of each other.

Kora really excels in things like Latin and Greek, reading. She struggles with her spelling and sometimes with math. Aubrey has no problems with spelling or math, also likes to read, but doesn't catch on with languages as easily.

I don't know that I realized there was such a difference in their senses of humor until tonight.

After everyone had food dished onto their plates tonight, Kelly launches quite unexpectedly into a joke:

"So three men walk into a bar. You'd think the third one would have ducked."

Aubrey dies laughing; she literally had tears coming out of her eyes. Kora looks at us and says, "What's so funny?" I had to explain two different meanings of "bar." Even Brynna got it before Kora did.

Aubrey summed it up after Kora finally "got" it. Aubrey said, "It isn't as funny if you have to explain the joke." I agree. :-)
This was taken right after the girls cut their hair off last year to donate to Locks of Love.

Delightfully Politically IN-correct

Kelly and I are NOT bumper sticker people. However, I saw one today that might be the only bumper sticker Kelly might ever consider putting on one of his vehicles.

GUN CONTROL
MEANS
USING BOTH HANDS

Stimulating

If you are easily offended, don't watch. But this is the biggest laugh I have gotten out of current events in a long while.

Vampires versus the Civil War

Yesterday afternoon, I took Aubrey to her monthly orthodontist appointment. We both took books to read, as dentist offices can be boring places, especially if they are running behind and Dr. Phil is playing on the waiting room tv.

We were taken back into the exam room, and I continued reading while we wait for the doctor to come in. Now you have to understand that I have several books on my nightstand. I never read just one book at a time. Right now on the nightstand I have a theology book some friends gave us for Christmas, a book on organization, the book on mothering that we are going through in our homeschool group, an autobiography, a marriage book, and a history book. I always have a history book. This one is one on loan from my father-in-law. And in the iPod I have Jane Austen's Emma.

So anyway, the orthodontist walks in and asks how were are doing and the usual small talk. Then he glances at the book now lying in my lap, which is a hard back roughly 2.5 inches thick. He asks me, "What are you reading?"

I pick it up and show him the spine: Nothing but Victory: The Army of Tennessee 1861-1865, by Steven Woodworth. He looks at me a little funny as I tell him that it's about the civil war in the west. (Not the far west by any means, but it was the western theater.)

He laughed a little. "Not the normal reading material I usually see around here. Most people seem to be into that vampire thing."

I just laughed and told him that vampires weren't my cup of tea.

The Pants

When my youngest sister got up to roast my dad, she told one of her favorite stories. When she was in junior high, my dad had these pants. She describes them as M.C. Hammer pants, but they weren't quite that bad. But, my dad had the temerity to wear them to the mall with my two sisters in tow. They went to a music store, where some rock music was playing. My dad then proceeds to start two-stepping to this rock music in the music store! He tried to get my sisters, who were about 14 and 17, to dance with him, but they wanted to crawl under the carpet and hide. And he did this while wearing these pants:
My mom had found them in a closet a few weeks ago and set them aside for my sister to use as a visual aid at the roast.

Unfortunately when it came time for the party, my mom couldn't remember where she had put them! Even she got a good laugh out of her "senior moment." Of course, my sister found them under a bed at the house a day or two after the party!

So for Thanksgiving, my dad modeled them for us. We decided they were the perfect Thanksgiving pants - the flaps Velcro closed at the waist and are completely adjustable. Perfect for making room for that extra piece of pumpkin pie!