Wilderness

A month ago Kelly found out that the contract he'd been working, which was up for renewal, had not been awarded to the company he worked for, but rather had been awarded to a competitor. Thus he had 30 days to find a new job. In a way, we weren't terribly disappointed - the shift work schedule had taken a toll on our family.

It was a stressful 2-3 weeks, because though he had put in for many jobs and sent several resumes, it wasn't until last week that we really began to hear anything. Then all of a sudden he had multiple interviews within a week and was offered what looks to be a very interesting job with a good company with great benefits. So the result of this "bad news" is a better job with better hours, better pay, holidays off, and better benefits.

I have to admit to not being very peaceful during that month of uncertainty. I wondered what God was doing "to" us. Why, after a very hard year and a half, we were having to go through more, especially with holidays coming up on us. But then as I look back in the last year and a half, I haven't trusted in His sovereignty as much as I should have. I have questioned, doubted, distrusted, wavered. I just pray that this time in the wilderness has equipped me to face any giants that might be in the land in our future.

Courage

Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees all others.

Winston Churchill

Small Things

It's really easy for me to "leave God out" of the small stuff. Not that He's really not there, but sometimes I get to going along my own way, and forget to seek God in the small things.

A few days ago I asked the girls' piano teacher which recital they would be in. You see, the big spring recital is really four different recitals spread over a Saturday and Sunday. The Sunday afternoon recital is called the Baby Grand recital and is Sunday dressy. The Sunday evening recital, the Grand Piano recital, is the one for the most advanced students, and is formal. Her teacher had told me last year that Kora might be in the Grand recital this year. So I asked her a few days ago which recital she would be in. Ms. Penny told me it would depend on how she performed during juries.

Juries are when the student plays her piece before all the instructors in the conservatory and they critique the students. The only issue is that juries are only a week or two before the recital! If she is going to be performing in the formal recital, that doesn't leave me much time to find a dress.

So I was faced with a dilemma - what to do about a dress? Should I go ahead and shop for one, keeping the price tag on it so I can return it if she doesn't need it? I did a little looking, but nothing I was finding was appropriate for a 12 year old anyway. All the dresses were prom dresses; strapless is definitely "in" this year. And what about the cost? For a dress she'll wear a couple of hours and probably outgrow before next year?

I admit it: I fretted, I worried, I pondered. I remember asking the Lord, "What am I going to do about her dress?" But honestly I didn't really expect an answer. After all, it's just a dress.

Yesterday when I went out for my Saturday afternoon errands, I stopped in a thrift store that has just opened in our area. I was hoping to find some skirts for Kora. I was looking through the dresses to see what they had when I saw it.

In perfect shape, among the denim jumpers and granny dresses, was a beautiful formal dress, somewhere between a cranberry and burgundy color. I'm guessing it was once a bridesmaid's dress, but it is simple yet elegant, and very appropriate for her age. I picked it up, thinking that it looked about the right size. I looked at the tag - a misses XS. Perfect! When I got it home, Kora tried it on and it fits perfectly. It is a little too low cut in the front, but because of the way it is made I can either create tucks to alter the neckline or can get her a lacy camisole to wear underneath it.

And the price? $5.99!

I am humbled that even amidst job issues and family illnesses the Lord cares for even the small details of our lives. I will think of that every time I see that dress.

Heavy Hearts

There are times I just don't have the heart to blog. There are times when my mind races with blog posts. There are times my kids supply my blog posts for me. This last week, I have not had the heart to post very much, except what my kids provided for me.

We've had so much going on, and much of it I didn't want to put up here. Kelly has been going through a time of great uncertainty and turmoil at work, and we weren't sure if he would have a job in a few weeks or not. My only living grandparent - my mother's mother - became ill about three weeks ago and was admitted to the hospital just a few days before I left for my conference. While I was there, Grandmama developed pneumonia and has not been doing well. She has so many things wrong with her and very little strength to fight any of it.

These two major things, on top of normal everyday things like sick kids and insurance issues, have just left me emotionally worn out. Of course, the Lord always uses these times to teach us (meaning me) to lean on Him more. We've also had many sweet friends and family praying for us through this time.

The job situation seems to have been settled, although it won't be 100% until a couple of things fall into place. Hopefully that will happen quickly and smoothly! I am also leaving today with Ashlynn to go see my grandmother in Abilene. Most of my side of the family will be there. So while I am not looking forward to leaving Kelly and the kids for another weekend, I am looking forward to getting to see my grandmother and my parents and siblings, aunts and cousins. Unfortunately, since my girls have been sick, we decided it was best not to take them and expose my grandmother to any more germs. So Kelly is sweetly being single dad for the weekend again. Fortunately he's very good at it, and doesn't really mind as long as I leave the fridge and pantry stocked with dad-friendly meals. :-)

Oh, and when I get back next week, we are taking a WEEK OFF! I really need a spring break!

Blessed Be Your Name

I don't care much for praise choruses - they are often just shallow. I do like the praise hymns that set Psalms to music. Though this one isn't directly from a Psalm, it is definitely inspired by several, and just seems appropriate right now.

Blessed Be Your Name

Blessed be Your name in the land that is plentiful,
Where You streams of abundance flow,
Blessed be Your name.
Blessed be Your name when I'm found in the desert place,
Though I walk through the wilderness,
Blessed be Your name.

Blessed be Your name when the sun's shining down on me,
When the world's all as it should be,
Blessed be Your name.
Blessed be Your name on the road marked with suffering,
Though there's pain in the offering,
Blessed be Your name.

Every blessing You pour out, I'll turn back to praise,
When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say:
Blessed be the name of the Lord,
Blessed be Your name.
Blessed be the name of the Lord,
Blessed be Your glorious name.

You give and take away,
You give and take away.
My heart will choose to say,
Lord, blessed be Your name.

by Matt & Beth Redman

Worship

The perfect church service would be the one we were almost unaware of; our attention would have been on God. But every novelty prevents this. It fixes our attention on the service itself; and thinking about worship is a different thing from worshipping. . . . Tis mad idolatry that makes the service greater than the god. A still worse thing may happen. Novelty may fix our attention not even on the service but on the celebrant. . . . There is really some excuse for the man who said, “I wish they’d remember that the charge to Peter was ‘Feed my sheep’; not ‘Try experiments on my rats’, or even ‘Teach my performing dogs new tricks.'

C.S. Lewis

Consider It All Joy

I distinctly remember thinking, as 2007 ended, "Thank goodness this year is over!" My mother-in-law had spent the first half of the year fighting breast cancer. Kelly's health had started deteriorating over the year with his sleep apnea, sinus issues (which needed surgery), and digestive problems. I spent the last half of the year sick with all-day "morning" sickness. My grandfather passed away at the end of October after a long and draining illness. A couple of families at church were going through severe problems. So I remember being glad to say goodbye to 2007.

As 2008 was coming to a close, I started thinking about how this year in many ways wasn't any better. In spite of sinus surgery in early January, Kelly has continued to struggle just to feel "normal." While a new baby brings much joy, she also brings adjustment as well as some physical problems in recovering. Several members of our immediate family lost jobs this last year. As a contractor, Kelly's job is always something of a question mark every time the contract comes up for renewal, as it will be in a few weeks. It seems as if every family in our church has faced crises in the last 12 months. And we have the typical discipline issues with the kids, occasion financial issues, etc.

A few days ago, I found myself asking God, "Why?" Why can't Kelly sleep and not suffer from constant sinus/allergy infections? Why does all this have to happen to the people we care about, especially in such a short period of time? Why does life have to feel like a Whack-a-Mole game? I was having quite the pity party.

Then last night, during family devotion time, Kelly read a Bible verse that I have read many times before. But last night it hit me in the solar plexus, because I needed to hear it badly.

2 Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,

3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.

4 And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

James 1:2-4 (NASB)

As you can probably figure out, I was definitely not considering any of this with joy. And yet it is exactly these types of things that happen in life that mold us, shape us, "perfect" us as believers. And just to make sure I got the point, Kelly also quoted this one:

Romans 8:28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

Don't you gals just hate it when God speaks through your husbands? ;-)

OK, I get it, Lord. I do believe that our very breath is in Your hands. As are each of the things that have so stressed and perplexed me in the last year. And this year, I ask You to help me LIVE that belief and to teach it to my children. Help me to learn the lessons You are teaching me in all of this.

May this joy be found in each of you this year as well. Happy New Year!

Interruptions

Motherhood is a noun. I like to think of it as the ultimate noun: it's so all-consuming that it is a person, place, thing, and idea all at the same time.

Every day thousands of women go to doctors, fertility clinics, and adoption agencies in order to become mothers. Every year, countless books are written about how to mother (a verb in this case). And yet it can also be very frustrating and seemingly stingy in its rewards. It's very obvious if you are a failure, and yet the rewards of a good job are few and far between, at least at first.

When I first became a mother I had all these ideals about what motherhood would be for me. I envisioned trips to the park and zoo, chocolate chip cookies and milk, bedtime stories and fuzzy pajamas. I didn't think of hours of crying babies, sick and whiny children, rotten attitudes and ungratefulness (oh, and sometimes the kids are like this too!).

One of the hardest things for me to get used to as a mother was the constant interruptions. It seems that a mom can never get a project or job of any length (this includes using the restroom!) completed without at least one interruption. I've had to stop dinner preparations to nurse a baby, stop and kiss endless numbers of boo-boos, and put on my mom's referee uniform more times than I care to think about.

This used to really frustrate me, and it still does at times. But with nearly a dozen years of motherhood under my belt and half-a-dozen kids, I had an epiphany: motherhood is all about the interruptions. Mothering isn't what you are doing when you are interrupted, mothering is dealing with the interruptions. Most of the lessons a child learns comes from what we think of as interruptions.

Child falls and hurts self - he learns that we are to care for those who are hurting and can't care for themselves

Siblings argue - they learn how to resolve disagreements

Child gets frustrated with school work - he learns that he really doesn't know everything

Baby cries in the middle of the night - he learns to rely on the unconditional love that forces a bleary-eyed mother out of bed.

I like schedules, routines, plans. I still don't always like interruptions. But I am hopefully learning patience. Because, when you think about it, in many ways life is all about the interruptions. The unexpected illnesses, the job losses, family squabbles and many others make up the topography of our lives, the ups and downs, the mountain peaks and valleys.

So while I used to think of motherhood strictly as preparing my children to be adults, I now also think of it as preparing me for life and, ultimately, for eternity.

Shorn

I think I am finally used to looking at my girls and seeing shorter hair. It took quite a while. I was so used to looking for the waist length hair, that I did a double take when I would see the shoulder length (or shorter) hair. Of course, it is nice to only need to clean the vacuum cleaner brush out every other week.

What surprised me is how sad I was when they cut it. I had practically begged Kora to cut hers before, and they all complained when I would take them once a year to get a couple of inches cut off to trim it up. But once they each had 11-12 inches cut off (that's nearly 4 feet of HAIR!) I felt bereft somehow.

You see, I was known as the lady with all the girls who had such beautiful hair. Every time we went out in public clerks, cashiers, other customers commented on their hair. How beautiful it was, how long, and of course the red heads always get special attention.

Now I am just the lady with all the girls. Just the one with all six girls and no boys. Yep, we just fade into the background now. :-)

Reformation Day/Remembrance Day

October 31st is the day many Protestants have on their calendars. Reformation Day is a time to look back at God's Providence in our history and to remember some of the saints that went before us. Tonight, our church will be having a German themed feast and we'll be discussing the German Reformation. I'm bringing "Chicken in Riesling." I didn't even read the full recipe before choosing it - it had me at the word "Riesling."

I'll post pictures and more comments about this tomorrow.

But for my family this will also be a remembrance day of sorts. It's been one year since my grandfather passed away. I actually got the call at our Reformation dinner last year. It's been a tough year for my mom and grandmother. I don't know if next year will be any easier, but I know right now is especially hard for them.

I miss him too. He was always fun, had a great sense of humor. He could make jokes about his bald head all day. He loved to talk to all the grandkids, play card games all evening. He was a carpenter by trade, and knew how to build anything.

One of the things I've been thinking about today was his voice. He had a very raspy voice, or rather, what was left of his voice. Throat cancer and resultant surgeries had done permanent damage to his vocal chords. I don't really remember his singing voice before this, but I know afterward, it was hard for him to sing, but he loved doing it. He loved hymns.

So today, as we celebrate the great cloud of witnesses that have gone before us, I'll be thinking of my Granddad, singing for the past year before the throne of God. I hope he has the voice he wished he'd had here on earth. Because while on earth he could wholeheartedly sing:

Come thou fount of ev'ry blessing,
tune my heart to sing thy grace;
streams of mercy, never ceasing,
call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
sung by flaming tongues above;
praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,
mount of God's unchanging love.

Here I raise my Ebenezer;
hither by thy help I've come;
and I hope, by thy good pleasure,
safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
wand'ring from the fold of God:
he, to rescue me from danger,
interposed his precious blood.

O to grace how great a debtor
daily I'm constrained to be;
let that grace now, like a fetter,
bind my wand'ring heart to thee.
Prone to wander - Lord, I feel it -
prone to leave the God I love:
here's my heart, O take and seal it,
seal it for thy courts above.

"Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing" by Robert Robinson, 1758

Great Quote

"Only a mediocre man is always at his best."

John Schuerholz

Does this include woman too?

A fraud

I have to admit that I have felt like something of a fraud lately. After sleeping through the night for more than three weeks in a row, Ashlynn has decided that she would rather interrupt my sleep after all. So she has been getting up between 2 am and 4:30 am to nurse every night for the last 2 weeks. So all my talk about early mornings... well, it just hasn't happened these last two weeks (unless 7:30 is early to you). I still want to - I really don't like sleeping in until the kids get up. But I am trying to remind myself that this is a short season in my life, that she is only 3 months old, and eventually it will pass. It will, won't it?

So my resolution this week is to get up before the kids do, even if it isn't at 5 am. Oh, and to not drink Dr. Pepper every day. Honestly, I think it'll be easier to get up early.

Early Morning Quiet

Ashlynn is sleeping through the night about 5-6 nights out of the week now, so I have resumed a more normal schedule. Kelly and I get up at the ungodly hour of 5 a.m. so that we can work out together and eat breakfast before he goes to work. This allows me to work out, eat, shower, make my bed, and be dressed before the short people of the house start wondering downstairs.

I have to say that I am not a natural morning person. When I was a teenager, I prided myself in the fact that I could sleep until close to noon on Saturdays or in the summer. I had no problem getting up early to go to school; but given the opportunity, I would sleep the morning away. The fact that I have always been something of an insomniac didn't help this.

I had Kora pretty quickly after graduating from college and quitting my job, so I would sleep when she slept. But I found very quickly that I wasn't getting much done. And my type A personality began to long for a little more routine in my life. Plus I finally felt grown up: I was a wife and a stay-at-home mom with a baby. It was time to start keeping the house like a grown up instead of a college kid. So that's when I started getting up early enough to cook breakfast and be dressed before my kids were up. I was going to a gym three mornings a week, so I didn't have to worry about getting in a workout until later in the day.

As we had more kids and moved to San Antonio, things changed. I didn't go to a gym anymore, but got up early to meet a very good friend for a two mile speed walk every week day morning. The time of exercise and fellowship was wonderful. It also got these important things out of the way, so I could concentrate on my main job: raising my girls and running the house.

Ever since then I have gotten up early to work out and be dressed before I have to deal with kids. If I don't, I feel like I am running behind all day. I still don't really like getting up at 5 am, but I like the results. I love to shed baby weight and be in good shape. I hate having to take a shower and get dressed after the kids are up. And I really hate feeling behind.

But the last week or two I have realized something else. I like the early morning. I love the way the early light filters in through the blinds. There's something about the quality of the light that is different. I love the stillness of the house, the quiet expectancy of the day. There is a peace felt at that time that I don't feel at any other time of the day. And I'd missed that the last few months.

It's good to be back.

God Gave You to Me

Even though I have now given birth to six babies, Kelly and I are always amazed at how much we forget between babies. When I was pulling out the clothes and diapers before Ashlynn was born, we gaped at how little they were. I had forgotten how much stuff a diaper bag needed to carry. We both forgot how noisy sleeping babies are - all the little grunts, sighs, etc. I forget how many diapers a newborn uses every day.

But I am reminded when Kelly and I sit and marvel at this new little person who has come into our family that we often take life, and children, and family for granted. I know I do. I get caught up in the day to day care and training and teaching of all these girls and forget how I felt when I first held them.

Today Lauryn asked me, "Why did God give us parents?" Of course I gave her the standard answer that God wanted babies to have a mommy and a daddy to take care of them until they got all grown up. Which is fine for a 3 year old, but I wonder how much of it is for the child's benefit and how much of it is for the parents'?

Thankful

I am thankful for so many things this year:

• My husband who provides for us, allowing me to be a full time mommy and home maker. Who loves me and the girls, and is the leader of our home.
• The children that God has given us, which make us laugh, bring us joy, and force us to greater maturity and patience (although that last one I have to remind myself to be thankful for :-) ).
• Our church family with whom we are a community.
• My family, including the grandfather I just lost. Even in the grief I was proud that they are my family. I am proud of the way my mom honored her parents in the last months of his life.
• Kelly's family, especially the amazing recovery from breast cancer that my MIL has had this year. This was truly the grace of God in our lives.
• I am thankful to be feeling so much better. And so far this pregnancy is easier than Lauryn's. I wasn't quite as sick, and I am not having the sciatic nerve problems so far at all.
• I am thankful that we have a plan to address some of Kelly's health problems.
• I am thankful for HOPE, the homeschool group that I have been a part of for so many years, that continues to be a touchstone for me.
• I am thankful to the God that gives us not only all of the above, but every breath.
  

Saying Goodbye to Granddad

This last weekend was bittersweet. Of course it is always hard to lose someone you love, even when he was ready to go home and had been suffering for so long. It was hard to watch my grandmother and mother in particular. I can't imagine having to face a loss like that, and then have to turn around and make all the arrangements, sign all the legal documents, empty out his room at the nursing home, etc.

However, the funeral went very well. Granddad had set out years ago exactly what he wanted. He even had a list of hymns he wanted sung, and he wanted my dad to lead them. He wanted my uncle and his preacher to do the speaking. He wanted it held at the church building (that he had built), and he wanted Psalms 23 read, which was done by my cousin, the only grandson (yes there seems to be a dearth of males in our family).

My grandfather was one of 7 children - 3 boys and 4 girls. One of his brothers passed away a few years ago, but his other brother and all four sisters came up from the Texas coast to attend. I don't remember how many nieces and nephews he has, but they counted up and about 3/4 of them were there as well. Needless to say, the family section of the church was quite full. All the children, grandchildren, grandchildren in-law, and great-grandchildren were there, of course. (On a humorous note, my family took up one entire pew.) The rest of the church was full of friends and church members of the church he served as elder for 30 years.

After a brief graveside service, we were back at the church for a family meal - the fellowship hall was full. But the food was so good - small town West Texas church ladies can cook! It was startling to me how many of these family members had come across my blog somehow. I had great- aunts and uncles asking me if I was feeling better now. (Hi Uncle Glen and Aunt Peggy!) But it was so nice to visit with family that I haven't seen in a while. I even met my cousins' kids of whom I had only seen pictures.

So even though I had a headache from all the tears, it was a good weekend. It touched me to see all the love people had for my granddad, and what an impact God had used him to make in that town. But I think my grandmother expressed it best when she said that it was going to be very hard to get used to not having him around.

If you are interested in reading the obituary my father wrote for Granddad, click here.

Heritage

My grandfather entered into the ranks of our "great cloud of witnesses" (Heb. 12) this evening. After a long struggle with COPD and heart problems, he went home tonight peacefully, with my mother at his side.

I have so many happy memories of this man. He was always so cheerful, and had a great sense of humor. I think I'll miss his laugh more than anything. He loved his family and church, and had one of the strongest senses of duty I have ever seen. He worked very hard; I thought he never would retire. He finally did - at age 82.

But one of the things that has struck me most today as I anticipated the call telling me he was gone, and since I have received it, was about heritage. How thankful I am that God placed me in the family He did. I don't know if Granddad ever thought about leaving us all with a specific heritage, but he and my grandmother have. I am proud of the man he was. He will be greatly missed.

This photo was taken during a visit in June.

I don't wanna grow up...

I think nearly all of us can remember thinking as a child, "I can't wait until I am grown up! Then I can ________!" Fill in the blank - do what I want, stay up as late as I want, eat whatever I want, never have anyone tell me what to do, etc. I don't remember the particular thing that I longed to be free of, but I do remember being convinced that life would be so much better then. I know my husband felt the same way - he ran away from home at age 17, he was so convinced that life would be better that way.

There are days now that I long for something of those carefree - comparatively - days of childhood. Oh, yes, there are joys that children cannot understand that I have been privileged to experience: marrying the man I love, growing together over the years into "one flesh," becoming a mother, having deeper friendships than a young girl can experience, oversees travel, etc.

But there are also days when the load seems heavy.

Over the years, I have known what it is like to have marriage problems, family problems, to rush a child to the ER, to be very worried about money, to watch friends hurting and suffering, to be severely depressed, to make difficult decisions. Sometimes it seems unbearable.

No, nothing is really wrong today. Nothing bad has happened. It just seems like over the past 4-5 months, that so much has happened to us and the people in our lives - some small irritations, some big life changing situations - that at times I wish for the days when my only problem was whether I was going to have to take a nap or what cartoon to watch on TV. My friends and family out there who are going through difficult times of one type or another, please know that I am praying for you.

OK, I admit that

I was very caught up in the whole Princess Di thing as a child. I mean, come on, what little girl wasn't? This was a girl who married the guy she'd had posters of in her room as a teen. And he's a prince. What could be more like a fairy tale than that? I remember being so disappointed when my mom wouldn't wake me up at 3 am so I could watch the wedding live. Thankfully we did have a VCR by then, and she taped it for me. :-)

Of course we all know the ending to the fairy tale. The whole sad story is such a glaring example of what sin does to us all.

The reason why I thought this blog-worthy was the memorial service last week. I didn't even know about it ahead of time, but flipped through the channels and stumbled across it. I did get to see the address given by the clergyman. And I have to say that it saddened me that a man of the church proclaimed her sainthood, citing her charity work, her mothering skills, and her ability to inspire people to reach their own potential, or something to that effect. I have no knowledge of whether she was a believer or not, and am not trying to make that judgment here. I do say that the fruit of her life makes me doubtful, but this is beside the point. My concern was that the man of the church substituted his own politically correct reasons someone is a saint, rather than the words of the Bible. It doesn't surprise me, as this happens all the time. However this was a rather public example.

Very sad.

Music

I find music absolutely amazing. There seems to be something built into the soul of man that requires it. Through the ages, no matter the culture, there has been music of some kind. It transcends language, race, gender, religion, culture, and even time. When we have music from hundreds of years ago, we can still play it and enjoy it today.

Kelly was playing one of his internet radio stations today that plays 80's rock music, like I used to listen to in junior high. I can't remember the names of most of the people I talked to on a regular basis 18 years ago (did I just admit that in my out-loud voice?) but when he started playing the music, I remembered the lyrics, even though I hadn't heard them in many, many years.

One of the music ministers in a church we used to attend used to make the statement that music was the one ministry that we would still do in heaven. There would be no poor people, no sick, no lost people, but we would still sing before the throne of God. I don't know how exactly accurate his claim is - after all there's much about heaven and what we'll do there that we don't know. However, the Bible does talk about singing the praises of God around the throne.

As a member of choirs over many years, I remember the thrill of intricate harmonies, stirring lyrics, and the almost magical melding of voices. But I know nothing can compare to that day. And if 18 years later I can still remember the crummy lyrics to really bad music, just imagine the songs we'll remember the instant we are in glory.

I think this is why music is such an inseparable part of man's makeup. Just as the stones will cry out in praises to God if man does not, there is a part of each of us that is made to sing praises to our Lord, that our sinful nature cannot suppress. It can be corrupted and made to serve the purposes of the enemy, but it cannot be denied.

In L.M. Montgomery's third book in the Anne of Green Gables series, called Anne of the Island, one of Anne's childhood friends dies of tuberculosis. Before she passes away, Anne tries to calm her fears of dying by talking about heaven. Her friend replies to her, "Yes, but it won't be what I'm used to." Our music in praise to Him, whether it is one of our hymns, or a piece from Handel, seems to me to be a bridge to the next life. What a comfort it will be when our time comes to leave this earth, and we hear the heavenly music for the first time.

May it be for each of us what we are "used to."