Official Notice to My Unborn Child

Your presence is hereby requested at your earliest possible convenience - emphasis on earliest. The schedule has been cleared for your arrival, and all preparations have been made.

All projects have been completed. Your grandmother is on standby to drive down. You sisters are all anxious to meet you. Your father has his overnight sleep study out of the way.

The room has been prepared for the birth. The supplies have been gathered. Your bed has been set up. Your clothes are hanging on your closet or are folded in the dresser. Diapers have been bought. Even the afghan has been completed.

The midwives have been here for the home visit, so they can now find the house.

Your mother's hips, ligaments, and back wish to offer a special request that you vacate the premises as soon as possible. They love you as much as the rest of your mother does, but they are ready to share some of the burden with the arms, shoulders, and especially with other people.