Wednesday, December 19, 2007

When I got home from our weekend trip,

I had an interesting letter in the mail waiting for me.

Dear Tamara,

It is my pleasure to inform you that you are being considered for inclusion into the 2007/2008 Cambridge Who's Who Among Executive and Professional Women "Honors Edition" of the registry.

The 2007/2008 edition of the registry will include biographies of our country's most accomplished women. Recognition of this kind of honor shared by thousands of executive and professional women throughout America each year. Inclusion is considered by many as the single highest mark of achievement.

Upon final confirmation, you will be listed among thousands of accomplished women in the Cambridge Who's Who Registry.

Well. I have have no idea how they got my name and address, but I certainly got a great laugh out of it. I showed the letter to Kelly, and he told me I should apply. He thinks it is quite funny too.

So I have spent the last few days thinking of how I would phrase the info in my application, were I to decide to spend the time to fill it out on their website. What do you think of this entry?

Graduated Magna Cum Laude with a BA in history in 1996. Have spent the past 11 years in the field of childhood development. Duties include 24 hour care and instruction of children ages infant to pre-pubescent. These include, but are not limited to, nutritional research and execution of all meals, management of all health related issues of all children, wardrobe management, social and religious obligations, transportation to all extra-curricular events, meetings, lessons, and obligations. Also, sole control of all academic pursuits as well as teaching duties of all subjects from Greek and Latin to basic pre-school letter/number recognition.

Duties are also extended to household management, including fiscal responsibilities such as budgetary decisions, aligning all purchases to budgetary constraints, investment decisions, as well as maintenance of the physical plant, which includes - but is not limited to - all cleaning, organizing, and purchasing for said plant. Constant instruction in these duties must also be passed on to the recipients of the childhood development research.

Not only are these duties attended to every day, but responsibility also includes setting tone and atmosphere. Not only is a cheerful attitude a must, but maintaining a loving, yet disciplined atmosphere expected at all times. Nor do duties cease at bedtime, when responsibilities include nutritional supplements for children under the age of one year, psychological counseling for anyone above the age of 2 with nightmares, assuming nursing duties to anyone of any age who is sick, and assisting anyone ages 3 and up to the restroom at 3 am. If time off is allowed, a cell phone is provided to remain on constant call. By necessity, outside interests have been curtailed or severely limited in order to allow for complete absorption in the job of Chief Home Executive.

So do you think an entry like this has a snowball's chance of getting "confirmed"? :-) Let me know what you would add or delete to this entry in the comment section!

8 comments:

Granny said...

Umm...you didn't say anything about your responsibilities taking care of Kelly!

Kelly said...

HEY!!! I resemble that remark!

Tami said...

How about:

Have spent the last 14 years as Executive Secretary and Partner. Responsibilities include keeping track of all social, health, and other appointments, keeping lists of partner's duties, maintaining his professional wardrobe, as well as refurbishing it as needed - keeping within above budgetary constraints. Frequent negotiations over budgetary constraints have sharpened such skills over the years. Partnership also requires stepping in to various duties when said partner is ill. While dress code is not strictly held to, some time is expected each day/week in maintaining an attractive presentation for said partner. Responsibilities also include being able to be an intellectually stimulating conversationalist and supporter for said partner at any time, no matter the level of exhaustion from all other duties.

Did I miss anything? ;-)

Granny said...

ROFL!! THAT'S GREAT!!

Lora Lynn said...

Oh, please send it in. I'd like to see them TRY and reject that kind of job description. :-)

Granny said...

I agree!

Papa said...

It will only be valid if you say "life partner with whom you are in a committed relationship"

Ryan said...

I "half"heartedly agree with papa!